In addition to the phrase “you have potential,” which I wrote about in a previous post, another thing teachers, parents, and other well-meaning adults might say to try to encourage you in your studies, which you will probably find even more frustrating to hear than that you have potential, is that you are lazy. Unlike “you have potential,” which I encouraged you to try to see in a more positive light, I am not going to encourage you to try to see being called lazy in a more positive light, or attempt to defend anyone who has ever said that to you. It used to be a common thing for teachers and parents to say, but now that more is known about the challenges students may face with their studies, calling them lazy is widely discouraged in both teacher and parent education. Hopefully, this means no one has ever said it to you, but if you have heard it, then I am here to tell you that whatever you do, you should not believe it. Even if it is true that you need to work harder on your studies, that does not mean you are lazy. Anyone who has said this to you should have said instead that you have potential, offered their help with difficult content, and/or encouraged you to develop your study skills. What anyone who tries to say you are lazy actually wants, even if they don’t know how to express it properly, is that you do whatever it takes to do your best to succeed. Instead of reacting negatively to hearing that you are lazy, remember that there are actions you can take to prove just how wrong whoever called you lazy actually is, so that you will never hear it again.
Even though “you are lazy” is ideally a much less tempting thing for adults to say than it once was, it is important to understand just how prevalent a thought it used to be, and just why that was the case. In addition to being frustrated when they thought their children and/or students were not working hard enough, parents and teachers honestly believed that every child in their midst should be capable of doing whatever work was placed before them. There were stereotypes, to be sure – boys were expected to do better in math and girls in English, for starters – but overall, whatever the subject and whatever the grade level, being able to do well enough to move through the grades without any sort of individualized attention was the norm. Even when different tracks or different programs were available, students were placed according not just to the grades they had previously achieved, but also to preconceived notions about what was best for them. Whatever decisions were made, as well as for whatever reason they were made, the expectation that students would achieve where they were placed as long as they worked hard enough remained unchanged. Therefore, any student who appeared unfocused or unwilling to work was labeled lazy, and no thought was given to why they were not performing as they should. Though I am sure some of you still find yourselves in situations where better decisions about what is best for you can and should be made, not the least of which being that you should have more say in what is and is not best for you, I am just as sure that most if not all of you have the opportunity to change what isn’t working in one or more ways, so that any chance you will be called lazy will be greatly reduced, if not completely eliminated. Changing course levels, teachers, and even schools, seeking help from teachers, guidance counselors, family members, peers, and/or tutors, taking advantage of the new and different ways teachers present lessons that can increase your chances for success, and, of course, finding ways to use study skills to help you, are all things you can do to keep anyone from ever saying you are lazy, and most if not all of them are either relatively new or vastly improved options from what was offered to students long ago. Maybe the person who called you lazy remembers having been called lazy, too, and maybe, all you have to do to get past it is to show that person that you will take advantage of the opportunities you have to make things better for yourself that he or she didn’t have, which might be more than enough to keep him or her from ever calling you lazy again.
Though teachers and parents have become much better about not calling students lazy than they once were, there are still some situations when they may be tempted to do it, especially if they believe you are not putting an appropriate amount of time and effort into your work. If teachers believe you are capable of doing what they ask of you, they may become frustrated when you don’t follow through on assignments, don’t prepare for tests, and/or don’t ask for help. If they believe that this is because you do not put enough time into your studies, even after they have tried to do what they can to make sure you are in the best possible situation and have offered their help with it as well, they may think you are lazy if you still don’t follow through with their expectations. Parents, too, often believe that you can do better than you are and that you are not living up to their expectations or taking full advantage of the support they offer, and they, too, may believe you are lazy if they offer you all the help and support they possibly can and you still don’t put enough time and effort into your studies. That is why one of the key aspects of study skills is time management: if you make time for your studies each day, including on the weekends as needed, and apply other study skills to that time as much as possible, no one will ever be able to say you are lazy, even if you still face other challenges with your work.
Even though “you are lazy” is a much more negative, and therefore, thankfully, much less uttered phrase these days than “you have potential,” and I have promised not to defend the adults who say it in the same way as I would those who say “you have potential,” it is still possible to turn it from a negative to a positive. You may think my advice on how to do that will be very similar to the advice I gave regarding “you have potential,” that I will simply say you should treat it as you would any piece of study skills advice that you are given and use it as a motivator, or that you should simply ignore it and move past it, but if I did that, I would be giving it the justification that I don’t believe it deserves. Even if hearing you are lazy actually does make you frustrated or angry enough to try to make improvements to your time management or other study skills, you should still speak up and let the person who said it know how much it hurt to hear it. If you do that, he or she might just come up with more encouraging words and other suggestions you will find more helpful, and may even think twice about calling you or anyone else lazy in the future.
Just as with hearing “you have potential,” the one thing you should never do if you hear “you are lazy” is allow it to eat away at you and keep you from pushing ahead on your study skills journey. No matter how misguided parents and teachers who say you are lazy may be, that is the last thing they would ever want you to do. It may upset them at first if you speak up and tell them how you feel, but ultimately, they will come to appreciate your honesty, especially if you make a concerted effort to take anything they say that is more positive and constructive to heart. Improving your time management skills along with your other study skills is the best way to keep parents and teachers from ever even thinking you are lazy, let alone saying it to you. Unlike when you hear “you have potential,” when you hear “you are lazy,” the words do matter, because they are so hurtful. If you ever do hear you are lazy, don’t let that keep you from believing that you have the potential to be successful, both in school and in life. Instead, find ways to turn those negative words into positive actions, so no one will ever believe they have a reason to call you lazy again.