In many of my previous posts, I have encouraged you to ask for help, and have highlighted many circumstances in which you can and should seek whatever support and assistance you need. Whether you are struggling to develop your study skills, having difficulty with challenging content or assignments, or dealing with circumstances both in and out of school that impact your ability to focus on your work, asking for help can make a positive difference and increase your ability to succeed. It can be one of the hardest study skills to develop, but if you work at it, just as you would any other study skill, it can also be one of the most rewarding and beneficial skills you have.
The most important thing to remember about asking for help is that there is no shame in needing to do it. As I have already said about other study skills, asking for help is something you should do when you feel you need to do it, not something you should avoid when you are afraid of what your peers might say. If you need to ask a question during class, ask it, because you may not be the only one who can benefit from the answer. If you need to speak to a teacher before or after class or during a break or a study hall, ask directly if you can, or make arrangements based on the teacher’s availability. Check the teacher’s website and/or your school’s policies to find out what types of communication with teachers are acceptable, including online options if you need them. Check also to see what you are permitted to do yourself and what you need a parent or guardian’s permission to do. If you need help from a parent or guardian or other trusted adult in your life, don’t be afraid to ask them, either. They might be able to help you make the right arrangements with your teachers, be able to help you themselves, or offer other support or suggestions that can make a difference. Contrary to what you might think, your teachers and other adults in your lives want you to feel like you can come to them if you need to. Even if you find that some of them are less receptive and/or less helpful than you wish they’d be, don’t give up – you can always try again until you find the right person to help you.
Even though there is no shame in asking for help if you need it, it is also important to remember that you don’t always need it. Just as you shouldn’t avoid asking for help when you need it, you also shouldn’t automatically assume that you do. Before you ask for help, make sure you listen to and/or read the directions on your assignments. Follow any examples you are given, and refer back to them when you are trying to complete work on your own. If you find that you don’t understand the directions or can’t follow the examples, then you certainly should ask for help, but if you ask for help before you even attempt to begin an assignment, don’t be surprised if you are asked to go back and read the directions and examples first. When you are frustrated by a certain subject, type of assignment, or expectations of a certain teacher, it can become only too easy to assume you can’t do what’s being asked of you, and to avoid even attempting to do what you can do on your own, but a much better course of action is to take each day, each class period, and each assignment as it comes and try to figure out what the best course of action is. In other words, instead of asking for too little or too much help, try to find the sweet spot, where you not only are not afraid to ask for help when you need it, you also are not afraid to do what you can do on your own.
Finding the sweet spot between avoiding asking for help and becoming too dependent on it may sound nearly impossible to do at first, but as with so many other study skills, the more you do it, the better at it you will become. Though it is one of the most important and challenging study skills to develop, developing your other study skills will in turn make knowing when to ask for help much easier and more manageable. Planning ahead and using your time more wisely can keep you from waiting to ask for help until the last minute, and can also also give you the time you need to look back at previous notes and assignments as well as current directions and examples to find your own answers. Creating notecards and study guides and whatever else you decide to do to prepare for a test can help you see what concepts you’re stuck on in time to ask to have them clarified before the test, and going over previous assignments when you study can help you find answers to your own questions so you don’t have to ask for help after all. Finding the sweet spot when it comes to asking for help means accepting that while there will be times when you need more help than you thought you did at first, there will be other times when you can do more on your own than you would have thought possible, and it also means that doing the best you can in each situation is okay. The more you practice asking for help the right way and the more you develop your other study skills, the more reflective your sweet spot will be of where you are on your study skills journey, and of the success you achieve.
It can be hard to admit when you need help, and even harder to ask for it, but as with every other study skill, it is a skill you can improve with practice. Realizing that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it, figuring out what you can do on your own, and finding the sweet spot between them can be challenging, but the more you do it, the better off you’ll be. Finding success on your study skills journey does not mean no longer needing help – instead, it means knowing when you need it and when you don’t, and never being afraid to ask for what you need.